Monday, September 5
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Life suddenly became meaningless and a blur right before my very eyes, because im feeling like shit now. Shit in the sense that is so smelly and rotten that it can be detected like a few hundred metres away. All these its cos i failed by 1 BLOODY ROTTEN MARK FOR MY SS PRELIMS paper.... and to make it worst, everybody else that i asked online who are in my class passed by at least 2 marks or more higher than me. That Zhong was worst, he got 30/50 and he was like, "Fuck! i did so badly, i expected so much higher." im like, wah. save me that crap and leave me alone la!
Actually i also have got myself to blame too, i havent studied properly before the prelim and i didnt even look thru my notes for the last minutes. I think i actually know where my mistakes are for the papers but and i think i'll jus have to treat it as a lesson learnt.
Sigh, i dunno why im feeling so down jus cos of one paper. Prolly cos i know that i didnt do well for the other papers too. As in i didnt do well for most of the papers jus to correct myself and brace myself for the harsh reality. We all know that the truth hurts in one way or another, but this time the truth for me is like having a thousand swords piercing through my body one at a time, yanking it out and piercing it through again and having the blood jus squirt freely out of my very veins. And it is that bad.
Having to review what life is all about again is just another painstaking process of how i should plan for my lousy future and all that crap. The thought of jus ending my meaningless life as came across my mind a lot of times because my own future is in my own hands and im doing nothing about to make a better future for myself.
I shall not elaborate further, im jus gg to sit at home and comtemplate on how i shud make my next step.
9:48 PM
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