When I was a kid in my pre-school years. I was the apple of the family. Armed with a sharp tongue and witty brain, I was able to amuse everyone around me.
When I entered Primary School, I always thought that I was stubborn and talkative. My teachers always needed to find a way to shut me up as I was one of the loudest in class. I got into trouble a few times in school and twice with my principal and I always took everything I had around me for granted. But they all never looked at me as a hopeless child. They never gave up on me as they knew that it is just my playfulness. But overall, I got along well with most teachers and classmates with enemies that are few to non.

Secondary school shaped me. It had given me many chances to bring out the best in me, but I threw a few back into their faces by disappointing them with my foolishness. Throughout secondary school, friends knew me as the infamous Prefect. Teachers knew me as the outspoken one. Though never the academically inclined one, I always took up leadership in many different areas that molded me into who I am today. No matter how difficult the challenge was, I somehow would still find a way around it. I thought it could be applied into my exams which I never took it seriously. My PSLE was done half heartedly, all my secondary school exams were done without much preparation and I managed to get promoted. So, stuck with this mentality that it would happen the same to my O's, I went into the exam hall with last minute preparations. Though it felt like much of a breeze, my results slapped really hard to wake me up.

Now, facing the consquences of my unflattering attitude, I am stuck in the middle of nowhere.
These few days are filled with curiosity and anxiety. It so bad that it comes to a point of restlessness and extreme self-hatred.
I blame myself so hard for screwing the most important exam in this very unforgiving society. A society that sucks you dry and dumps you aside after you have lost your worth.
Having to face rejections one after another, you become numb to the disappointed. Life has became a bitch to me and it has bitten me hard in the ass telling me that I should kick aside that unwelcoming attitude towards the people and things around me.
I want to tell myself there is still a ray of light at the end of the tunnel. But the long and harsh journey has taken a toll on me and I'm close to giving up the fight. My soul is dying and my flesh is weak. I'm mentally and emotionally drained.

I am very exhausted.
Lord help me.
Goodnight.