Stress brings out the worst in people, it brings people to their lowest and angriest point. They lead people into a state of confusion. You know you are at the lowest point in life when you are in a state of confusion as you see people rejoicing or mourning.

That's what I call numb.
Numb to the point where you are actually trying to remember to feel how is it like being just a little happy or sad, let alone the extremes of both ends. Numb to the point that even though you are at gun-point, you are still so composed and trying so hard to understand why they look so estactic when they have realised their dreams or crying till they have no more tears when their loved ones are gone. Numb to the point that your heart cannot break anymore because its already in a million pieces and you cannot cry anymore because there are no more tears to cry....

Not surprisingly to myself, I just found out that I'm a person who is trying so hard to understand what is it like being happy or sad... Trying so hard to understand what is the purpose in life. Trying hard everyday to please the people around me who have placed hopes on me, hoping that I will become the person that they dreamed of. Trying so hard that I've completely lost myself along the way, unable to see what is ahead of me and what I initially dreamed of achieving...

People always tell me that there is always a turning point in life where you start afresh, fresh like a blank piece of paper waiting to be illustrated and molded into who I truly am suppose to be. But that point in life seem so very far away that I might give up along the way, just to see a glimpse of it....

Family members are suppose to be the only ones closest to you apart from your friends. They are suppose to be there to console you when you are down, to celebrate with you when you are happy, to guide you when you are confused and lost, to walk with you when you're alone, to let you feel wanted when you are outcasted, to bring you peace when you are frustrated and to let you open up without fear of being laughed at when you hold a dark secret.
I can tell you all these so easily, but I've yet to be able to experience it for myself.

Its true when they say that when a person looks happy and cheerful all the time, they are actually extremely sad and isolated deep down inside. A self defense mechanism to protect yourself. The mind will betray the heart that it actually is not alone and has many reasons to celebrate.

Right now, I know I've been betrayed.... many times.